show me your teeth.

first post in forever that i'm doing on a computer. the screen is motherfucking huge and it's a cordless keyboard i'm typing with. everything is better here.

i'm hungry and i want to get this image out of my head. sharks scare me. deep waters scare me. i hate being alone, but at the same time i like it. i keep getting the chills one moment, and burning up the next. my head feels a little muddled. i think i'm getting sick.

i'm going to make something to eat and i'm going to watch tv on this gigantic tv that makes everything appear life-sized. imagine watching something scary like saw, or the ring, or something.

well, this post was all shit.  i should throw something meaningful in.

i think you're an obsession.

this slurred speech is my own.

lyrics make so much sense sometimes that it starts to scare me. words placed in the right order can portray such intensity that i feel like i want to run away from the music, but my feet won't move. it's a creepy sensation, really. it's like my heart separates, unnoticed by me, half of it yearning to indulge in the soppy emotions of the song, and the other half pushing and pulling in the opposite direction. and i'm left with a sizeable fissure, causing my heart to splutter frantically, and trip over itself like a puppy with paws that are hopelessly too large to move in anything akin to fluid motion. then the song is over, and my heart seamlessly becomes one again, and bounces against my chest irregularly, slowly picking up some form of rhythm again. even though my heart hardly maintains a steady pace anyway.

which sucks sometimes.

i asked around about the obsessions, and it is as i expected. nobody feels like i do. nobody practically falls in love with everyone and everything. i'm beginning to doubt the things that i feel mean a lot to me, because now that i have uncovered this unfortunate trait, i find it hard to discern between insignificance and importance. why does nobody else feel like i do? why do i always feel so much? why do i always feel more? why am i always the pursuer? why do things i chase always have to be chased after? when is someone i want ever going to rush after me? why do i think about things so much? why do i feel so much? too much? why do i want more than people have to give? why am i always so expectant, so disappointed? is there more to this? is there ever going to be any more than these trivial boys and girls? when are humans going to begin to gain depth? meaning? will there ever be anybody for me who feels as much as i do? will anybody ever match up to my intensity? will anybody ever ignore the other shit and try?

why do i have so many unanswered questions? why am i still asking?

no delicate strings of pearl.

i can't decide if i smell more like a brewery or an ashtray. my sister says asthray, because my whole room smells like smoke.

i like city & colour, and i like the song "the girl". but what i really like is the hidden track after "the girl". it's pretty. and sleeping sickness, and sensible heart. and i don't know the names of the other songs.

it's sunny today, and i wish i could play outside. unfortunately, though, as much as one glance in the direction of the sun results in a sharp, lingering pain somewhere near the back of my skull. maybe i'll put on sunglasses and wrap a towel around my head and go lay outside, just to feel the warmth. i wonder if i could play guitar like that?

i'm listening to this song called "obsessions", and it's got me thinking. does everybody get as fixated with something as i do? is it normal to feel a pull in your chest when you hear a pretty song or see a pretty girl? because it's such an odd sensation, i don't know how to explain it. it's like my heart is already there and my body is trying to follow, or like my heart really wants to be there, and it bubbles up and pushes against my chest. am i the only one, or does everybody else just hide it exceptionally well?