will you, won't you?

why do you always shroud your motives in mystery?

sometimes, i feel life too intensely to bear living it. does anybody else, too?

she's so pretty, it's hard to look at her without a goofy smile.

everywhere, kiss, kiss me.

oh my fuck i can't even string a coherent sentence together to explain how much you annoy me; you don't work on my nerves, you chew on them with razor-sharp fangs, you gnaw at the scabs from previous annoyances, you IRRITATE me. is that coherent? a little?

oh god i can't even write about happy care-free things because my chest is scratching uncomfortably after thinking about you and how your face can't change and how the pitch and the tone of your voice pierces my eardrum and makes my palette feel itchy in the most impossible place to reach, am i still blabbing incoherently?

i'm definitely a nocturnal person, it's when i'm most awake. which sucks, because i'm not a STUPID vampire. stupid vampires.

i'm sorry for ever saying all those things i never meant. i don't have reasons, or explanations. no excuses, only questions. why did you believe me? why do you STILL believe me?

why do i talk so much, why am i a social idiot, why do i never know what to say, why why why why why why why

i'm exhausted. excess, take, nobody, why, hopeless, pointless, useless, helpless, pathetic, ridiculous, over-the-top, too much, excess. it's a sharp shock.

you're cute :)

this slurred speech is my own.

lyrics make so much sense sometimes that it starts to scare me. words placed in the right order can portray such intensity that i feel like i want to run away from the music, but my feet won't move. it's a creepy sensation, really. it's like my heart separates, unnoticed by me, half of it yearning to indulge in the soppy emotions of the song, and the other half pushing and pulling in the opposite direction. and i'm left with a sizeable fissure, causing my heart to splutter frantically, and trip over itself like a puppy with paws that are hopelessly too large to move in anything akin to fluid motion. then the song is over, and my heart seamlessly becomes one again, and bounces against my chest irregularly, slowly picking up some form of rhythm again. even though my heart hardly maintains a steady pace anyway.

which sucks sometimes.

i asked around about the obsessions, and it is as i expected. nobody feels like i do. nobody practically falls in love with everyone and everything. i'm beginning to doubt the things that i feel mean a lot to me, because now that i have uncovered this unfortunate trait, i find it hard to discern between insignificance and importance. why does nobody else feel like i do? why do i always feel so much? why do i always feel more? why am i always the pursuer? why do things i chase always have to be chased after? when is someone i want ever going to rush after me? why do i think about things so much? why do i feel so much? too much? why do i want more than people have to give? why am i always so expectant, so disappointed? is there more to this? is there ever going to be any more than these trivial boys and girls? when are humans going to begin to gain depth? meaning? will there ever be anybody for me who feels as much as i do? will anybody ever match up to my intensity? will anybody ever ignore the other shit and try?

why do i have so many unanswered questions? why am i still asking?

one week of danger.

it's rocking the daisies today, and i can't go, and it's driving me crazy. positively mental.

why does she say we're immature and why does she wonder why we surround her, when she doesn't stay away? if she hates some of us so much, why does she stay there? she only makes it unpleasant for herself. i don't understand.

i also don't understand why everything has to be so fucking complicated. why do things have to change toward some people? why does everybody so sex-saturated? why does everybody judge so blatantly? why does everybody act? why doesn't anybody get it?

why?

i think i have end-of-year syndrome. everything is bothering me, everybody is annoying me. i want to slip somebody some poison or bite something really, really hard.


i don't want this anymore. i don't want to be judged anymore. i don't want to watch every word i say.