before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain.

i'm supposed to be studying for my english poetry exam. it's not fun, though.

my ipod is more interesting, the pictures on my cupboard are more exciting, my spacecase is cooler. even the roof is looking pretty good today.

i like chewing gum, but i like bubblegum more. i miss bubblegum.

ah. thinking about this thing sucks so much. i try not to, but it's a little hard when my heart heats like it tends to.

"when you were mine, you were all i ever wanted to do; now i spend my time following him whenever he's with you."

i do a lot of short posts lately. whenever something's on my mind, i just put it on here. i never have time to sit down and search my heart and write down long soppy posts about my feelings. which, in fact, could be a pretty good thing :)

my mood just flipped, i'm listening to a feelgood song: empty in between - tegan & sara. it's so cute :) it's done now, it's a really short song.

flume - bon iver is playing now. for some reason unbeknownst to me, it makes me unbelievably sentimental. it makes me contemplate. consider things. think about life, dying and things i need to do and say before that happens.

i should go study before i get too carried away.

this slurred speech is my own.

lyrics make so much sense sometimes that it starts to scare me. words placed in the right order can portray such intensity that i feel like i want to run away from the music, but my feet won't move. it's a creepy sensation, really. it's like my heart separates, unnoticed by me, half of it yearning to indulge in the soppy emotions of the song, and the other half pushing and pulling in the opposite direction. and i'm left with a sizeable fissure, causing my heart to splutter frantically, and trip over itself like a puppy with paws that are hopelessly too large to move in anything akin to fluid motion. then the song is over, and my heart seamlessly becomes one again, and bounces against my chest irregularly, slowly picking up some form of rhythm again. even though my heart hardly maintains a steady pace anyway.

which sucks sometimes.

i asked around about the obsessions, and it is as i expected. nobody feels like i do. nobody practically falls in love with everyone and everything. i'm beginning to doubt the things that i feel mean a lot to me, because now that i have uncovered this unfortunate trait, i find it hard to discern between insignificance and importance. why does nobody else feel like i do? why do i always feel so much? why do i always feel more? why am i always the pursuer? why do things i chase always have to be chased after? when is someone i want ever going to rush after me? why do i think about things so much? why do i feel so much? too much? why do i want more than people have to give? why am i always so expectant, so disappointed? is there more to this? is there ever going to be any more than these trivial boys and girls? when are humans going to begin to gain depth? meaning? will there ever be anybody for me who feels as much as i do? will anybody ever match up to my intensity? will anybody ever ignore the other shit and try?

why do i have so many unanswered questions? why am i still asking?