everybody wants it now.

miley cyrus is a little fuck. she probably can't sing to save her life. so why is she where she is. she must have a really good agent.

i've wanted to blog like all day yesterday, and now i'm here and i don't know what to say.

what is the fucking point? why do i even let myself fantasize? nothing is ever going to happen. not one thing i dream of having is ever going to come true. and it isn't as if they're unrealistic. it's as if i've buried my happiness in these things that won't ever happen, and now, i believe nothing else will satisfy me except that. or those things.

if i can never make music for people to listen to, i'll be unhappy. i don't even want to admit the others to myself.

fuck! this is so gay and screwed up. katy perry is pretty.

she sings a little like a man, even in the edited versions.

i feel like a book of cliches. i feel like a romantic facebook bumper sticker, the cute lame ones that all the girls make their status. the one that everyone relates to when they're in love, but they laugh at how ridiculous it is when they're not.

softcore ftw

i took two ritalin pills today!

because i was speaking to chris yesterday and he told me he did it but he did it at night, and he said he watched a movie and it felt like time flew, so i'm trying it, but it didn't really work, it's just, white looks really white, like pages, in a schoolbook, they look like the inside of a hospital. and other colours too, they look like the concentrated version of what they are, like oros or energade concentrate, before you dilute it, it's dark and really, really sweet? like that, kind of.

another thing is, things that would usually annoy me are totally, totally irrelevant to me today, and small things that on any other day i would totally be okay with annoy me so much, it feels like there are beetles crawling and reproducing under my skin.

i also lost my asthma pump today, which wouldn't be such a problem if i wasn't so annoyed, and another thing is, i'm trembling a lot, i can't type one word right, they all come out wrong somehow. at least i'm not tripping or anything, else this post would be pretty illegible. this screen looks like it has polka dots on it.

my head doesn't echo or anything like i thought it wooulf. that wzs - was supposed to me - be 'would/ - 'would'/ i keep doing that instead of 'would'. i'm going to stop correcting muyself - myself so that i can go back to this post and laugh at how i though io tho\ - thought i was cool an -and took two ritalins. because by then i'm rpobably - probably going to be on some legit shiot - shit like cocaine ofg - or something and ritalin is going to be like the jellytots of the candy world. \ i mean of the drug world? i don't even know what comparison i'm trying to make that's not working, bnut - but i ehgat - what i mean is, is that ritalin is foi - going to be insignificant andf - whaT I; - what i'm going to be tripping on hen - when i reread this is going to make ritalin l; - look like purity baby food compared to some hardocre = hardcore thai curry (being the cocaine)

so anyway, my chest is closing up for some odd reason, i keep coughing like an old lady.

what a beautiful state we're in.

my stomach hurts, my nose hurts, my tongue hurts, my throat hurts, my arms hurt, my mouth hurts, my teeth hurt, my head hurts.

you're annoying when you get like that.

i'm so so so tired. everything is a little blurry and kinda in slow-motion.

it wasn't supposed to happen.

i really, really, really don't feel well.

i want to tell you, do you want to know?

i swear bras and beds are the most amazing things ever thought up.

pills sound good now, and sleeping. this fever won't end.

everywhere, kiss, kiss me.

oh my fuck i can't even string a coherent sentence together to explain how much you annoy me; you don't work on my nerves, you chew on them with razor-sharp fangs, you gnaw at the scabs from previous annoyances, you IRRITATE me. is that coherent? a little?

oh god i can't even write about happy care-free things because my chest is scratching uncomfortably after thinking about you and how your face can't change and how the pitch and the tone of your voice pierces my eardrum and makes my palette feel itchy in the most impossible place to reach, am i still blabbing incoherently?

i'm definitely a nocturnal person, it's when i'm most awake. which sucks, because i'm not a STUPID vampire. stupid vampires.

i'm sorry for ever saying all those things i never meant. i don't have reasons, or explanations. no excuses, only questions. why did you believe me? why do you STILL believe me?

why do i talk so much, why am i a social idiot, why do i never know what to say, why why why why why why why

i'm exhausted. excess, take, nobody, why, hopeless, pointless, useless, helpless, pathetic, ridiculous, over-the-top, too much, excess. it's a sharp shock.

you're cute :)

little miss pipedream fantasy.

i have so many off periods today, i guess i'll just post again.
i should be studying for something, since i write basically all of my exams on monday, tuesday and wednesday, but i really can't focus. i ran out of pills :)

anyway. today is happy, and i have a cigarette hangover. those two phrases aren't related, really. just two thoughts that simultaneously entered my mind as i was typing.

ah, i'm so bad at acting cool, and normal. i just can't do it.
that little switch in my brain is missing.

but what fucking switch is missing in your brain?

wtf.
shit.
fuck.

i think there is something wrong with the kids in my school. they must have missed something.
somewhere.

they must have some fuck-good excuse for the things they do, and say.
i hope they have a good excuse. i  hope they're dumbing themselves down, and the things they're saying aren't actually what they're thinking.

it's -- HAHA, franki just fell off of her chair, in the learning centre, and it made a pretty big noise, and it was funny :)

anyway, i forgot what i was going to say.

oh, what a stupid thing to do.

hypocrite.

pretty. cool.
selective. judgmental.
annoying. weird.

too emotional. lame.
humourless. bad-looking.
stupid. fake.
i don't want to be here anymore.

i think i'm extremely tired.

i'm finding things like narcolepsy and tourette's syndrome hilarious. it's not that funny. it's really not funny at all. okay, maybe the cheerleader girl who screams obsceneties in the middle of her cheer-routine in that movie deserves a little giggle.

anyway, everybody is annoying. everybody is stupid. i feel like i'm boxed in. and that's when i look for things to laugh at, and shout about. feel a little. 

it is, after all, a little hard to come by lately.

everybody is picking on my today. mr ratz, mrs neethling, tannie dipp.

god, i hate this fucking school.

(is it just me, or does the pinkish dust in the picture make a skull?)

i'll just hide under my blanket today, and practice things like breathing softly, so that my mind won't wander. it'll work. i'll also be listening to pretty hayley or angelina, and that'll probably make everything better.

not always, though.

that's where it comes in.