fooled myself

everything is perfect, everything looks pretty. everything smells sweet, tastes electric. it all adds up, and fuels her addiction. she finds it hard to divert her eyes. she becomes tactile, and then she finds that her heart pains, something a little like the pain you have in your stomach after refraining from eating for far too long.

of course, this pain of the heart is then associated with a hunger, and her mouth waters. her tongue flicks across her lips and she can almost taste what is to come. decadence from another world; in a league of its own. her eyes glint in anticipation, and her teeth begin to clatter. waiting is an endlessly torturous experience.

she can no longer play with this distraction in her palm, she must have what she came for in the first place. her heart has become erratic and the appetence pangs are gradually becoming unbearably persistent. she attempts to occupy herself by trying to name the unrelenting pain. she comes up with desire; yearning; want; vacancy; void; famine.

she hates to sound cliche, so she says nothing. she talks, but she says nothing. there is so much she could be saying, so much she could elaborate on. but she speaks words of unimportant excess instead.

because saying anything notable would bring about vulnerability. and everybody would be able to see, everybody would come to their senses.

the lady doth protest too much, methinks.

just got home from supper, and i think i look like a stuffed olive.
my feet are spasming, i'm wearing heels that look like weapons from a horror movie.

my family is cute, i like them.
i had a thought before i left for supper, and now i want to write about it, even though i'm not in that brooding mood. i'm in a stupid, warm and lovable mood. cuddly. but i'll get into it.

why is everything so vulgar these days? i know i may sound all conservative, but really. everything has this repulsion to it. and we like it.

it's what draws us to it.

think about intimacy. the first person that comes to mind. imagine losing your clothes with them, going further. touching. you feel like you mentally cringe, and want to back away. but you don't. you feel a hunger, a greed. lust. you want more, and you take off your clothes vigorously.

and it's a little gross.
but we like it.

twisted?
i like crushes. i like people.
i like pretty people.

i like touching. i like feeling. i like holding.
i like cuddling. i like skin-on-skin. i like warmth.

i like kissing.
i like breathing. i like looking.
i like words. i like talking.

i like listening. i like watching.
i like faces. i like lips.

i like teeth. i like sharp teeth.
i like fingers. i like hands.

i like holding hands.
i like tickling. i like scratching.

i like biting.
i like a lot of things.