cradle me, i'll cradle you

i just got kicked out of maths. again. anyway, it's cool, i've had three off periods in a row. now that's what's good.

my arms don't hurt anymore, only sometimes when i lay funny. last night i had the weirdest dream about the weirdest things, and the french teacher was in it. which is always good, i dream about him often lately, and i like it :)

so, today i was scribbling on a piece of paper, and i have an idea for my tattoo. however gay this is, i want something to remind me of my time here. my highschool career, for some reason, is something i never want to forget. and it wasn't even that cool? anyway. i want to make a list of all the people here who made a difference to me, or made an impact on who i am (is this sounding ridiculous?) and tattoo the number at the back of my neck. like "8" or "eight". i don't know if it should be written out, or just the number. "28" or "twenty-eight". i just don't want to forget, even if i had to tattoo a puny "lar", i'd do it.

is that gay? i think it's gay. but people won't know, they'll just see a cool number at the back of my neck. maybe i should put a barcode there and i can have some random numbers like "62131111125121" at the bottom. or something?

also, while i was still scribbling on the same piece of paper, i tried to write down exactly how i feel. it helps sometimes, to vent, and just feel better about things in general. clear your head. the problem was, though, that i couldn't write anything. it was like there was some valve, and it was firmly shut, and my hand was quivering, but no coherent words were formed. then, something weird happened; i gave up, and i read a friend's magazine. so i read my horoscope, and it said something about love will be hiding from me or something, and that it will be difficult for me to know how i truly feel about anything for about a month. it gave me the creeps, because my reality and my horoscope has never matched up so accurately before. i guess i'll just wing it for a month, will i still be able to know what i want? not that i ever do, really?

ah, shit, why did you have to say that at the end. why did you have to add those five words.
 because it just fucked with my mind, really, and not in a good way. asshat.

unsound.

hangovers are accumulative, and i bet that's a fact. i think if i had to take one more sip of karate water, i'd keel over. right there.

i have a feeling my family is screwed beyond any kind of help. i mean, i don't think that any shrink would be able to even pretend to wrap their head around our fathomless absurdity. and what's weird is, i like it this way. from an outsider's perspective, we probably appear brainless and deranged. but really, we're only a bit flaky. well, at least we understand one another. inter-family-ly.

making up words is the the shit. i'm seriously going to go into that. study english, get some kick-ass degrees and shit, and put them up on my walls to look pretty, so that i can just fok voort and make up words. i'm probably going to make up all sorts of translations for cool afrikaans sayings, like "fuck forward".

"have you ever woken up with a bullfrog on your mind? you wake up laughing, laughing just to keep from crying.
have you ever woken up with that one woman on your mind? you wake up laughing, laughing just to keep from crying."

these cancer-sticks are going to be the death of me. i'm going to end up with a ghastly lung disease. bliss just suggested i say "killer lung disease", which is a pun right? a little? because, a lung disease, in my case, would most definitely be fatal. anyway, it reminded me of last night, when rachel, hero, anja, bliss and i were playing balderdash, and after some time, we gave up on using the dice, and anja didn't notice until a little while later, and she asked "we're not using the dice, are we?" and rachel said, "na, that's how we roll." -- comic :)

i think bliss and i should get medals for discovery. for uncovering. for being.
we're really cool, i think i'm going to start posting pictures of us, and pictures we take. and videos we take, where our faces are contorted by that apple photobooth application.

haha, i just reread that, and i come across as considerably egotistical. it's not how i mean it at all, i don't think i deserve a trophy for me, i think bliss and i deserve a trophy for us :)

i think this post is long enough now.

is it weird to have a little crush on your cousin? i mean, he's not my cousin by blood. he was married into the family. i can totally dig on him, right?

holy shit.

weirdweirdweirdweirdweird.
completely weirded-out.

anyway, not going to dwell on it or anything.
today is:

aaaand i'm really tired.
and, fuck, i can do this. it's so hard, it makes me tired just thinking about it.

that's what i'm going to do when i get home.
minus the dog though, mine hates me.

i can't wait to get home, and away from here.