we were young.

you were the only reason for the state i was in. you were the only reason for that state of mind, state of being. now that you're not an option anymore, i want out.

we were young.

my skin is crawling. shivers shoot down my spine and slowly work their way back up. withdrawal symptoms?

most amazing moments in life: this is my list so far:

- sitting on the floor of the shower, under the hot water, until it runs out
- holding hands
- barefoot on grass
- body heat in winter
- the build-up to a kiss

i think that's it so far. i can't think of any other things as cool as those, and as timeless.

it's midnight, i'm listening to jack johnson, and i need to sleep, but i can't, because when i do, i dream. i thought it had stopped, but i was only relieved from this torture - in the form of unbearably lucid dreams - for a few nights. they're back, and i can't handle the way my heart drops when i wake up and realise nothing ever really happened.

it's like waking up on the wrong side of the bed every single morning. it's like waking up to this immense disappointment that tightens my heated heart until i physically feel it pump frantically, oxygen-deprived.

i'm like seventeen and i'm going to die of heart failure.