tonight my heart feels encased, but not like it used to. not like it's snuggling in a warm cosy little box, where the walls are lined with pink fluff and happiness, but rather like it's trapped in a old, stuffy, vintage trunk. or a cold metal tin, where the freezing temperature of it's solid ground chills me to the bone.
"let's pretend, for a while, that the rain is the only thing falling fast."
my heart feels a lot. i've painted this large image of it in my mind and everytime i analyze it, the image doubles in size and quadruples it's impact on me. can you image repeatedly running into a brick wall at an enormous velocity? it's a pretty shitty feeling, i'm not going to lie; that's what it feels like everytime i delve deep into my soul and really think about how i'm feeling.
this is what i see:
i see a heart in a box, and i see the box having some fault lines, places where - if it really wanted to - the heart would be able to get out of the box. places where measly amounts of light filter through, tauntingly akin to hope. i also see the heart's feelings rising and falling, sometimes rising to such an extent that they begin to spill over the edges, flooding the box. the heart begins to swim in it's own doing, and soon swimming turns to drowning, because for some strange reason, in my mind, i can never get the heart to float.
i want to know how to forget
i want to know how to end this
i want to be able to forget
i want to be able to end this
you make my dopamine levels go all silly.
this is the one time i advise you to cross the line, and not just stand there and stare at it, you really should fucking cross it
i desire the things which will destroy me in the end.
found that on tumblr - it's shockingly accurate :)
it cheered me up; my deep, darkly brooding mood has vanished and i feel light and feathery, and the song sly - the cat empire helped :)