won't let you talk me down

i now know what is very high up on my list of things i CANNOT handle; being alone when i don't want to be. it's officially the worst feeling ever, it's so lonely and helpless. like, now i'm alone, and i really, really don't want to be, but there's nobody here that i know or anything, so what now. now, i put tammy down because she's failing and won't stop going out of tune, and i get in bed and hope nothing scary happens, like a thunderstorm.

fuck, i feel so miserably bleh here in this shithole hostel.

so, now i know you know and all that, blogging may be awkward. not that you ever ask me about my blog or anything, only sometimes, but thank you for not being all like, "yesterday's post: explain." or anything.

i'm tired and i just want to talk to you, and then sleep until wednesday, because i can't wait to see babygirl courtney sing, i'm so ridiculously excited.

haha, WTF, i can't even believe it, oh my shit. i just want to laugh. haha, whaaat the fuck. i feel like some gross user person who takes advantage of people when they're in a certain state affecting their judgement and their secretivity and their caution. sorry? i didn't know you weren't all there.

i haven't processed this information yet, geez. haha, this is unbelievable, not such a huge deal though, just funny, and a little like, wtf?

haha.

anyway, haha. cough. my head hurts, my hangover is relentless and i am over-tired. exhaustion, sleep deprivation, alcohol, cigarettes. i'm cold, and i'm going to sleep in shannon and courtney and my hero's room, so that i can sleep with the fairy lights on, it's waaay too scary to sleep in the dark. i'm a little bit of a wuss, i know.

anyway! i'll probably be getting more emotional about it all at a later stage. at the moment, i'm sorta not bovvered about it, like, it happened, and things were said, but what now? now nothing, now i pretend nothing happened and carry on, and it won't bother me. not now, at least. will it bother you?