i'm not.

these people are writing these songs, and they're just making too much sense.

my legs are going to fall off. and my elbows. and i can't sleep.

this is pointless.

"after all the time
after you

had you seen me with someone new

hanging so high for your return

but the stillness is a burn

had I seen it in your eyes

there'd have been no try after try

your leaving had no goodbye

had I just seen one in your eyes

I can't give it up

to someone elses touch

because I care too much

could you tell

I was left lost and lonely

could you tell

things ain't worked out my way

wish the best for you

wish the best for me

wished for infinity

if that ain't me

give it up

I can't give it up

I can't give it up

to someone elses touch

because I care too much

give it up

I can't give it up"

and

"please don't say we're done

when I'm not finished

I could give so much more

make you feel, like never before

welcome, they said welcome to the floor

it's been a while

and you've found someone better

but I've been waiting too long to give this up

the more I see, I understand

but sometimes, I still need you

sometimes, I still need you

and I was struggling to get in

left waiting outside your door

I was sure

you'd give me more

no need to come to me

when I can make it all the way to you

you made it clear

you weren't near

near enough for me

heart skipped a beat

and when I caught it you were out of reach

but I'm sure, I'm sure

you've heard it before"

it's scarily accurate.

my head feels thick, and a little dizzy. i think i've got a cold.

or something.

i'm glad it's weekend, i have a 21st tonight, i have to dress up as marilyn monroe. dress, wig, mole and all.

i also have to sing happy birthday like she did for jf kennedy.

i don't know how to be sultry and sexy, i'm awkward. it's going to be a mess.

hopefully i'll be drunk by then, because then it'll be a ridiculously hilarious mess.

on saturday it's steph's thing for her birthday.

slumber party, whoo :)

i'm hoping things will work out like i want them to, because then i'll have no problem.

i'll be good.

i don't want to take a chance anyway.